May 05, 2006

It's a Girl!!

I am JUBILANT! I did indeed find my little sister and she called me last night. I'm still rather discombobulated, and I have no idea where this is going to go. But I can tell you that I have a niece and nephew, and she seemed happy to hear from me.

I have my baby sister back!

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11:13 a.m.

May 04, 2006

am i spoiled?

Lifted from Expectant Waiting
Are you spoiled? You are if you can check of 40 of the following:

Do you have...

  • your own cell phone
  • a television in your bedroom
  • an iPod
  • a photo printer
  • your own phone line
  • TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
  • high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
  • a surround sound system in bedroom
  • DVD player in bedroom
  • at least a hundred DVDs
  • a childfree bathroom
  • your own in-house office
  • a pool
  • a guest house
  • a game room
  • a queen-size bed
  • a stocked bar
  • a working dishwasher
  • an icemaker
  • a working washer and dryer
  • more than 20 pairs of shoes
  • at least ten things from a designer store
  • expensive sunglasses
  • framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
  • Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
  • a multi-speed bike
  • a gym membership
  • large exercise equipment at home
  • your own set of golf clubs
  • a pool table
  • a tennis court
  • local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
  • your own pair of skis
  • enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
  • a boat
  • a jet ski
  • a neighborhood committee membership
  • a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
  • wealthy family members
  • two or more family cars
  • a walk-in closet or pantry
  • a yard
  • a hammock
  • a personal trainer
  • good credit
  • expensive jewelry
  • a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
  • at least $100 cash in your possession right now
  • more than two credit cards bearing your name
  • a stock portfolio
  • a passport
  • a horse
  • a trust fund
  • private medical insurance
  • a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

    Do you:

    • shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
    • do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
    • pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
    • go on weekend mini-vacations
    • send dinners back with every flaw
    • wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
    • regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
    • have a job but don't need the money OR
    • stay at home with little financial sacrifice
    • pay someone else to cook your meals
    • pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs - This is not a perk, merely a necesity so I can work.
    • regularly pay someone else to drive you
    • expect a gift after you fight with your partner

    Are you:

    • an only child
    • married/partnered to a wealthy person
    • baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

    Have you:

    • been on a cruise
    • traveled out of the country
    • met a celebrity
    • been to the Caribbean
    • been to Europe
    • been to Hong Kong
    • been to Hawaii
    • been to New York
    • eaten at the space needle in Seattle
    • been to the Mall of America
    • been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
    • been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
    • moved more than three times because you wanted to
    • dined with local political figures
    • been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

    Did you:

    • go to another country for your honeymoon
    • hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
    • take riding or swimming lessons as a child
    • attend private school
    • have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you
    16 Here.

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    12:43 p.m.

    May 03, 2006

    a better depression

    So. I think I'm depressed. I go through bouts of it fairly often. It starts first with incredible stress. Check. Then it moves on to a desire to hide. Check. Then I start physically doing stuff - in other words, I'm not wearing makeup or jewelry or an attempt to match my clothng. Check.

    I'm grwoing closer to God, which I think in the long run will help me handle everything better as I learn to trust in Him more and more. That's a good thing. I don't have to do EVERYTHING myself.

    I start the dreaded WW again this Friday. That will help. My clothes are starting to get too tight.

    We going to be stricter on our budget. That will help (there's a LOT of financial stress).

    I think at first, I just have to give in to it a little bit. Go home, get jammies on, get in bed, and watch dvds. Wallow a little. It only takes a couple of days to get good and sick of myself. Then I start coming back out of it. When I don't start coming back out of it, that's when I start to worry. Such as the 6 months we lived with the in-laws. 'nough said.

    BUT! With this slump I'm in now... I've not been too bad with the self talk. This is a very good thing. I'm not denigrating myself in my mind. It's more of an, "Okay, I know what this is... You need to do this now." Rather than a "You're so stupid, you're a horrible mother, a horrible wife, totally selfish, and just look at that gut!" That's the usual self talk that goes with my depression. So, I actually think I'm improving.

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    2:58 p.m.