September 06, 2003
AAAAAAAAarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg!
Well, Jay's birthday party got cancelled. Some people couldn't come. But the kicker came when my own parents cancelled out on me so that they can go to Vegas. My mother knew about htis when I came up with the date, but she didn't put it together until yesterday. So I cancelled, dammit. I'm very upset about this, and now I can't thing of a thing to do for Jay's birthday WITH the kids. I mean the kids were going to go to the party, but my parents were going to take them home with them, so that we could spend the night, and I could clean up the aftermath. Arg.And other things aren't going so hot. Money is really tight right now. Between the car having a meltdown and Amy's wedding, and my surgery we're wiped out. I hate this. I really really hate this. The doling out of funds like a miser every week. Not having any extra for emergencies. And every time we start catching up, another emergency pops up - the car, or an emergency room visit, or the car insurance bill (which we only pay 2x a year). I'm sick of it. We have long term and short term goals, and yet there seems to be no way to reach them! It's so frustrating. And the house is always a mess, and I can't seem to get control of it.
I just feel totally out of control, like a slob, unorganized, I feel like a terrible wife and mother. I never do anything fun with the kids, like go to the park or anything, because my weekends are devoted to cleaning, because I'm too totally wiped out during the week to do it. Plus, with Jay's nighttime schedule and school, we're more like to single parents in the same home, so it's hard to help each other.
I'm just so frustrated and really don't like my life right now. The hard part is, I'm not sure what to do about it.
Ug!
