November 17, 2000
11/17
I'm frustrated by a few things tonight.First - my son. It's passed his bedtime. He absolutely refuses to go to bed. He's exhausted. I can see this. Jay can see this. Will he go to sleep? No. When we were pregnant, we talked about what we would and wouldn't do. One of the things we said we wouldn't do is the "let them cry themselves to sleep". We couldn't imagine that. We've learned differenty. Now it's, let him cry a while. Maybe he'll realize he's tired. I feel terribly guilty about this. But if I don't do that, I think I'd go crazy. It works though. Sometimes, he's able to put himself to sleep. Othertimes, it just makes him mad, and when I pick him up and rock him, he goes straight to sleep. But it's awful to have to listen to him cry. But the truth is, sometimes I need a good cry, 'cause I'm just plain mad. Maybe he needs that sometimes too. I guess I don't feel as guilty as I should.
Second - work. I can't seem to get caught up. I try to get caught up. But the truth is, I'm too overwhelmed to concentrate properly. The only answer is to work a few 12 - 14 hour days, and just pump the work out. However, that's just not plausible right now due to the move coming up. But I'm going to have to. It's absolutely impossible to be a full time mother, and a full time employee. Yet everyone seems to expect it. My family expects it. My boss expects it. I love my boss to death, but the truth is, she doesn't have to do the actual work to get stuff done. The way I see it (and this may be my oversensitivity and the fact that I'm overwhelmed) is she makes the executive decisions, and then I do the work to implement it. Add that to the fact that she hasn't been there to help. She a single mom with three kids, has a full time job, and is getting her doctorate. I can understand. However, last year, she was there to help me plan out all the events, and to implement things like performance reviews. This year, she didn't help with the all staff retreat. She didn't help with the most recent increases. She isn't going to help the all staff Christmas party. She isn't going to help with the performance reviews. All she's been doing (and this is before she took a sabbatical) is making decisions, and signing her signature. I think perhaps I'm venting, 'cause we're finally at the end of the sabbatical, and I'm completely fed up. I've done her job, my job, someone else's job for an auction (that's what's put me so behind in the work), and pretty soon, someone's going to complain about something that didn't get done. And when that happens, and I'm sure it will, it'll be my fault for not doing the work. She will come to me, and ask why it didn't get done. I will tell her I didn't have the time, and I can only do so much. She will then ask why I didn't delegate it to someone and get some help. I will then answer that everyone else has their own work they need to do. She will then say that we need to work on my control issues. Then everything will go back to the same old stuff. I just hope that when her dissertation is done, we will be able to continue with our jobs, with her helping me to do her work. I hope so. The other thing that bothers me. It's just sort of expected that I know everything. Okay, yes, chances are that I know where to find something, or know how to get the information. But instead of, for example, going to the forms drawer, and getting out the form that they already know that they need, they will come to me and ask for it. I then tell them where it is. They look at me blankly. I then need to interrupt my work, again, and get up and get it for them. Can I show my displeasure at their idiocy? No. Because "our department is here to help the employees". Pardon me for saying so, but that doesn't mean I have to think for them. Or another example. Someone moves. They then decide that since I'm the benefits administrator (among other things), it's my job to go to their health/dental/supplemental/life/retirement insurance people and let them know about it. No. You moved. You have the statements at home. You call them. I'm too busy trying to give you that increase that you're complaining that I should have done last week. If I do something in my personal life - like move - *I* take care of those things myself. I think that's the problem with managers. They forget what it's like to work for something, 'cause they're too busy deciding on it. Or this. This really peeves me. I'm literally at my desk, reading a novel, with a hamburger in my hand, shoes off. Someone comes to my cubicle - the open cubicle where you can see exactly what I'm doing at any given time - comes up behind me, "Oh, are you at lunch? Can I just ask you a quick question?". Fine. It's just a quick question for them. However, they fail to think about that part where the 6 other people have already come up to me and done the same thing. I REALLY love this. Someone is in my office. We are talking about work. We are discussing things. Someone else, comes up and wants me to do something for them at that moment. Or they interrupt to hand me something in my hand - my hand which is about 3 feet away from the inbox I practically keep in the hallway for their convenience. Then they have the nerve to ask (in front of the person I'm already working with) when they can expect to results of the whatever they just handed me.
Wow. I guess I was more frustrated than I thought I was with work.
I don't think I vent about work as much as I should.
I don't think I usually spew that much normally.
Three - The towing company. Our old car was supposed to be towed to the junkyard today. I came home, from work, to find it still in our spot at the carport. That just really topped my day.
Ugg. My life is truly frustrating my lately. But my, I feel better.
A couple of other things... I was mentioned in a source in an article on journal writing. I think that's kind of cool. I was also mentioned in someone else's journal. Apparently this person thinks I'm terribly boring, and shouldn't be read. However - I've counted many hits that came from that page as a reference. I find that ironic.
