November 14, 2000
11/24
I went to Bible study tonight. It was the first time in about a month, since the car was in the shop. I'm so glad I went. I love my group, and it gives me a chance just to be with other women. AND, the fact that they have childcare allows me to go. I take Joseph with me, and then Jay gets the chance to sleep, without interruptions. So, I went again tonight. I explained the situation that we're in, and that we're having to move in with my in-laws. They were so sympathetic, and they pretty much said a lot of "ahhh, I'm sorry", which I really needed. I needed someone to feel bad for me, as selfish as that sounds. Instead of saying things like, "at least you have a place to go", or "how generous of Jay's parents!". Yes those things are absolutely true. It's a wonderful opportunity not available to many people. They're incredibly generous to sacrifice their home and privacy. All true. But we're giving up a lot to do it, and I've been feeling guilty that I don't really want to do it. We're doing it 'cause we have to, but that doesn't mean that I want to. Frankly I despise the idea. I feel like we're giving up control of our lives, or that we're sacrificing our adulthood. We're not. These are just reactions of mine to the situation. It felt sort of cathartic for someone to feel bad for me in this situation. It sort of let me release those feelings, and now I can get on with the practical things that need to happen. It's not that I pity myself. I just really needed someone to see my side of things. And my group did that. I'm so glad that I did that.We have an old car. A 1978 Pontiac Le Mans station wagon. It doesn't run. We needed to find a place for it to go, get rid of it, since we're moving. NOBODY, and I mean nobody wanted it. Finally, my search took me to a junkyard that is supposed to pay you for the car. It's so old, I'm having to pay them to tow it away. That's okay, 'cause it's gonna be gone soon.
I don't know how we're going to pull off this move. Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it's distribution day at my work. In other words we feed and give food boxes to disadvantaged people in San Jose. I'm going to be so wiped that I can't do anything. The next day is Thanksgiving. Then I have Friday and Saturday to get everything out. And Sunday to clean and be completely out. I'm going to be so wiped out. I know that this will happen, but I'm still wondering how.
