November 21, 2000

11/21

I want to go on record as saying that you NEED to read Secra. I love the way she writes... I can almost picture the way she thinks. I like stuff like that. She's going through some really shitty stuff right now (sorry about the language, but it really fits the situation). I'm very sorry for her and the situation that she finds herself in. Pathetic really (the situation, not her). I just want to go on record as saying that I think that it sucks. That is my opinion. Not that it matters in this case, but well, at least now I feel I've spoken.

I feel like I should be hearing tribal war drums in the distance, slowly getting louder with each second that passes by this week. We move this weekend. THIS weekend! Tomorrow, I'm going to be in charge (sort of by proxy, and probably not for the whole day) for part of a large event going on at work. But this is probably the most responsibility I've ever had. I don't like that I was thrust into this situation. I also don't like that I only found out about that part yesterday. If I'd known this, I would have been thinking very differently for the last little bit in order to be ready in my head. You see... I hate crowds. They scare me. They make me nervous, skittish, and entirely a wreck in my head. I know that it's a phobia, I'm just too lazy to look up which phobia it is. Tomorrow is a really bad event for this particular problem. You see, we hand out food boxes, and have Thanksgiving dinners for hundreds of people in need. My department's part is to organize and lead the 400 or so volunteers that it takes to keep the whole thing running smoothly. Tomorrow, at least for a little while, I'm going to be in charge of those 400 volunteers, as well as putting out various other fires not usually in my line of work. This is a big deal to someone who hates crowds. Just to let you in on how exhausting this day is for me... This will be the third year I've done it. In the past two years, I went home and cried myself to sleep. I really hope that I don't really screw something up. Uggg.

Thursday is of course, Thanksgiving. We will be spending it at Jay's grandparents house. Big time family... More crowds and screaming rowdy kids. Not to mention talk of politics. Oh Joy.

Friday, free day. Packing day.

Saturday, move day.

Sunday, clean day.

Monday, work day. I'm trying to get that day off on vacation so I can concentrate on organizing ourselves in our new place. It's not looking good though.

Can you see why I'm a little stressed?

I'm literally so stressed I'm going numb. Frankly, there is too much to do. It all needs to happen and get done. I don't see how it's going to. This is where God comes in. You see - It's going to take a miracle.

To top it all off, I just foudn out Jay is coming home early 'cause he's sick. Joseph is already sick. So help me, I better not get sick.

Why can't everyone just do what I tell them to, when I tell them to, how I tell them to do it? This world would be so much better organized (just like that sentence). 'Course, this is just my personal opinion. I'm sure that my husband, my in-laws, and my department at work would disagree. Perhaps even laugh out loud?

I'm in a new situation. A friend of mine (used to be a co-worker, til she decided to focus on school. The nerve.) is now reading this journal, at my invitation. I've never had anyone I knew reading me before. It's a new sensation. I don't censor myself, however it does put a personal spin on "the public view" of the web. I mean, yes I know I'm putting my life out there for anyone to read. And due to the copyright notice I put at the bottom, I'm searchable on my own name. I don't mind since I don't have anything to hide. However, the "public" is so anonymous, that you can forget that a real person, in some other place, whom you do NOT know, is reading your words. Now, I know one of those anonymous people out there. It's unique to what I'm used to. Anyway, Hi C!

I have put up a hiatus notice on the journals main page. If you would like to continue to get updates after Saturday, you need to do it through the notify list. I will be doing email entries, but only to them. I will archive those, and load them up when the site is off hiatus, but that's the only way one will see them if they are NOT on the notify list. This is a flagrant pimp of the notify list. Do we have the general idea here?

I just have to say that caffeine and these little pills of ginko I've been getting are a wonderful combination. For two days in a row, I didn't get tired at work. I was able to do things after work (I'm usually too wiped out). And I don't think they are addictive (it's all "ginko-ish" herbs. Scary thing is - they're sold at 7-11. In packets. Right by the register. This should say something to me other than "convenient".

Please keep me in your prayers. If you don't pray, you should (sorry... mommy popped out for a moment). The next week (and probably the next month) are going to be close to making me totally lose it. Like really lose it. Like, see a therapist lose it. I don't want to do that, but it is what it is. So, please pray for the following:

1. The move goes smoothly.

2. The in-law thing goes smoothly.

3. I get caught up at work... Without being yelled at by my boss.

4. My boss comes back and finally helps me be her (you have to know the situation to understand that one).

5. Jay and I's relationship only getting stronger through this.

6. I'm the mommy!!

and anything else God puts on your heart. I don't really care what you pray. Just pray for us, please. We need all the help that we can get from God at this point.

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11:24 a.m.