May 24, 2000
5/24
Joseph had his well-baby check-up yesterday. He's grown! He's only in the 25th percentile in everything, but the doctor says he doesn't care about that, since he was little to start out with. All he cares is that he continues to grow on his own curve, and he is. He's gone from 6 lbs 1 oz, down to 5 lbs, and now he's back up to 9 lbs, 11 oz! This is definitely a good thing. However... I'm still having trouble realizing that he is still birth size for some families. I look at how big he is, and realize that some babies are born even bigger. No thank you. I'd much rather have a healthy, small baby. He can grow later. Goodness. At his next check-up in a few weeks, he's going to have to have 5 shots! I do not look forward to that. I'll have to watch them do it, and maybe even hold him down. I have a feeling I might cry. And I'm REALLY not looking forward to having him be cranky and unhappy. Plus his legs are going to be really sore, the poor thing. Luckilly, he won't have to have quite so many at one time anymore after that. It's no wonder some babies don't like the doctor. I think he has to have shots on every well-baby visit until he's 14 months old! On one hand I wonder if this whole immunization thing has gotten out of hand. On the other hand, I'm not about to NOT do it.I've been feeling quite anxious about this back to work thing. I go back a week from tomorrow. I love my job. I don't want to go back. Unfortunately, I make more than my husband, and we need both paychecks, not to mention my benefits. So, I must. However, I have all these awful feelings. I feel guilty about leaving him. I'm anxious about leaving him with Jay all day, even though he's wonderful with him. He's not his mother. I don't know how Jay is going to get enough sleep. I know he won't sleep through the night for months, so I don't know how I'm going to get enough sleep. And I'm afraid I've forgotten how to do my job. Needless to say, I'm worried.
And I'm tired. I'm so tired my whole body feels it all the time.
