September 29, 2002
9/29
My mother is killing me.She is very very ill with a respitory infection. She's supposed to leave on Friday for a month long trip in their new 5th wheel to Missouri. They're going with my aunt and uncle in order to visit family. A great idea I guess (aside from the fact that we don't get any help with the kids for a month, and they were gone for most of September as well). But my mom is REALLY sick. And she has lots of complications because she has a really bad heart. Driving cross country, away from her doctors, and her hospital is not my thinking of a good idea. But no. She's going to play the martyr. "My doctor doesn't want me to go, but I just can't do that to your dad and Clyde and Dolores". Whatever. Just like when I was growing up, had a function, she got sick, and then would get all this attention (at MY birthday, graduation, concert, recital, etc.) for "being there" for her daughter, even though she was ill. It's so annoying to me. Just stay home, and get better for God's sake.
Perhaps I sound unsypathetic. Okay. But that doesn't mean I'm not right, and that she shouldn't stay home. Period. But she's going to get sick and end up in the hospital on the road, I just know it.
Been there, done that, and there's nothing I can do 'cause she's a grown up. But, I'm getting better. I told her. I told her exactly what I thought. I've noticed a change in me lately. If I don't like what you're doing, I tell you. I don't hold it in. I don't "make nice" anymore. All that does for me is let you continue whatever you're doing and me take up the slack or whatever. I'm not doing it anymore. I simply don't have the emotional resources I used to have to put up with bullshit. I don't have the time, and what I do have needs to go to the kids and my husband. And I no longer take on stuff from them either. We either work it out, or the answer is no. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unreasonable, or mean. If we can compromise, great! But I'm not going to take the brunt of the work, responsibility, or mentally keeping my mouth shut anymore. And, I think I like it that way.
