September 26, 2003
limbo - and not the good kind
I have this weight of Jay's strike hanging over me. It will be the loss of a paycheck for us. This is very scary. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. October 5th is the current date. What are we going to do?There isn't anything else really going on, so I guess that's why my mind is on it so much. Work is picking up a little bit. The future aquisition is creating more work. In and of itself - that is a good thing.
Our sparring gear is coming in on Tuesday. Meaning Thursday, we'll be able to actually fight. I'm nervous. Am I going to have the guts to really kick someone like I mean it? I never want to hurt anyone. Jay thinks I'll be really polite until I get a hit a good one. He thinks that then I won't have a problem with throwing a few of my own. We're going to be able to spar together. We weren't sure that was going to happen - in tournament it's gender specific, so we asked. He said that it will depend on what he thinks about my fighting. He doesn't want to put me in to fight with Jay if I'm going to get messacred. While we are the same belt and experience, Jay is a former Marine and the instructors know it. In fact, one of the senior students (a blackbelt) who sometimes leads stretching and warm-up, he told Jay that he can't watch Jay do push-ups anymore. Jay does it how it's supposed to be done, looking up at a target, instead of down at the floor. His face gets red, and he concentrates. In other words, he looks mean. So Marshall told Jay he just doesn't watch him anymore. My husband, the yellow belt, scares the competing black belt. No wonder they're reticent about putting him in the ring with me.
Anyway - everythings all jumbled and up in the air, and scary, with career changes, graduations, strikes, and lay-offs (not to mention pre-school) looming on the horizon. I hate living in the limbo, waiting for that other shoe to drop.
