August 14, 2002
8/14
Jay read somewhere that a mother loses 3 - 4 years off their life expectancy per boy. After yesterday and today, I believe it.Today, Joseph is being very good. However, he has figured out how to open the screen door. We leave the door open with the screen closed since we don't have air conditioning. It helps keep the air circulating. Well, he thought it would be fun to get out and run to the street. I was sitting feeding Logan, so he had a head start. I practically threw the baby on the couch, and ran full bore after him. I caught him less than 2 feet from the street. Jay heard me screaming at him to "stop" while I was running (he was asleep), and was outside by the time I caught him. I was a little dazed, so Jay took him, and he got a spanking before a big time out. THATCLOSE. All I could think of was, "I'm not going to make it. I'm going to watch him die. I'm not going to make it".
Yesterday, we had an appointment for the kids to get their picture taken together. Joseph ran from me again. This time, I ran, with Logan, and caught Joseph by his overalls as he was attempting to navigate the escalator. He behaved so badly after that that we left without taking the pictures. I was so embarrassed.
I hope that this eventually ends. Does it? Or do I have to wait until they're on their own?
I can't believe I have another one to go through this with. I can't believe that Jay wants two more.
Anyway, my dad (and landlord), is going to be putting a hook on the screen, until he can put some fencing in our driveway.
Jay and I have been having some problems. I hesitate to say that, 'cause their not marital problems per se, but more like adjustments. Basically, we were both resenting each other for different things, and we weren't talking about it, and neither one of us could figure out a resolution. It finally came to a head. We talked (it was technically a fight, but we didn't raise our voices). I resented him for being able to escape to work, and then have two days a week off, when I never get a day off from what I do. He resented me for putting so much pressure on him when he had days off. We didn't find a solution, but we did both air our feelings. And he thinks it will get better after I go to work. I'll be getting away from the kids, and working on adult things. He'll be spending more time with the kids (he'll be taking care of them 1/2 days 3 days a week). We'll both be tasting both worlds. He thinks it will make things better. I think it will make things more stressful. We're just going to have to wait and see.
