May 10, 2003
Joseph's Birth Story
The following contains the birth story of my son Joseph. I was going to make it a journal entry, but I decided it warranted it's own page and place on my site. The following may contain graphic details, so consider yourself warned.A little history first. Jay and I decided to have kids right away. Actually, we decided not to use protection, and whatever God wanted, He would make happen. So we went on with our married life. After about a year, we still hadn't conceived. I have something called uterine didelphys. What this means: I have 2 separate uteri, and 2 cervices, and one canal with a septum. I was basically told that while it seemed I could conceive, it was unlikely I could carry a baby to term. We knew this going in. It was probably caused (since it is a birth defect) by my biological mother using drugs, alcohol, and smoking all 9 months of her pregnancy. So when we still hadn't conceived after a year, we went to a specialist. Because of my problems, the medical community considers people like me "infertile" after 6 months of trying, instead of the standard year. They decided to put me on clomid. That's a medication that causes you to release more than one egg, so the chances of fertilization are higher. However, that also heightens the chances of conceiving twins or more. Which, as a certainty, I (with my physical problems) would miscarry. The doctor asked us to think about it, which we did. I had faith that God would take care of me. So we decided to try it. We were to wait til my next period, then go in for the shots.
So we waited. And waited. I wasn't getting my period. The doctor told me to come in for a blood test, certain that it was due to my weird ovulation cycle. It wasn't. It was due to the fact that I was pregnant. That pregnancy ended 2 months later. There wasn't any grand bloody miscarriage, or anything that traumatic. We went in (I was high risk) for another ultrasound (we did this every two weeks). The baby's heartbeat had stopped. According to the growth, it (I feel in my heart it was a girl) had died two days before. Rather than risk hemmoraging due to my physical makeup, I went in for a D&C. Again, because of my history, they had to do it in the regular operating room, with me under general anesthesia. It was a horrible scary experience. I'll never forget what I felt. I knew before the doctor had said anything that there was no heartbeat. I could see immediately on the screen that my baby was dead. We grieved. We cried. We experienced depression. The hardest thing, I think, is when people would ask how my pregnancy was coming along, and I had to be the one to tell them because they hadn't heard. It was like living it all over again. This was in April, 1999. We decided not to even think about children until after 2000.
Three months later, I was pregnant again. We never thought that it would happen so soon, after it took so long before. I really am not so sure that I was ready. I was a terrible bundle of nerves. I mean, what if I lost this one too? I didn't. My pregnancy was very full though. I was on progesterone suppositories the first trimester. The second trimester brought on a case of gestational diabetes. I had to test my own blood 4 times a day or more. The third trimester brought with it sciatica (sp?). The baby (we knew it was a boy) was sitting on a nerve in my back, which brought excrutiating pain. Towards the end of the pregnancy, my hands, wrists, feet, and ankles were so swollen from the diabetes that rings and shoes didn't fit. I was wearing slippers at the end - even to work. I was NOT what you would call a glowing pregnant woman. Far from it. In fact I was annoyed at everything and everybody.
Joseph was actually born 3 1/2 weeks early. We were lucky. We were told we'd miscarry at 6 months. I took 2 months maternity leave. Not nearly enough, but my paycheck was too important. We decided we'd rather have a roof over our head. Here's the actual birth story...
On April 11, 2000, we went to the doctor for a regular visit. Everything looked great. I was fine. We had an ultrasound. Head was seriously engaged. He wouldn't come out of my pelvis for this or the last ultrasound either. The technician said that he looked to be about 6 pounds at this point. Good for where we were in the pregnancy. We then went to have the non-stress test. The baby wasn't very active. The technician wasn't very worried, and had me drink some cold water, which usually wakes them up so they could get some more readings from his movements. I did this. Of course, 5 minutes later, I had to use the bathroom. When I did, I noticed that there was bloody mucous. Not a lot, just a little. But I knew something had happened. I knew something was happening. I didn't have any contractions or anything, but I knew this was my "plug". I told the technician. She patted me on the shoulder, and told me that can happen a full month before delivery. Jay and I left with a good bill of health. On the way home from the doctor, I told Jay that we were having the baby that day. He asked about the contractions... I think he was actually thinking he needed to get me back to the hospital. I told him I hadn't had any. He looked at me then like I was nuts. I told him again that I was going to have the baby that day. But hey, I also told my friend when I first saw him I was going to marry him. He didn't believe that either. Ha. Anyway, we went home, and did our normal stuff. At 4:45pm exactly, I felt a contraction, immediately followed by some sort of gush. I went in to the bathroom, and realized that I was trickling pink fluid. I told Jay. I don't think he believed my waters had broke. OR that I had a contraction. They started coming at different intervals. About a 1/2 hour apart, and not too bad at all. I did call the hospital though. Once your water breaks, you need to deliver the baby within 24 hours because of the chance of infection. They didn't believe that it was my waters that broke. I tried to explain that this stuff was not normal, but they didn't believe me. They told me to call when the pains were closer together. The pain started picking up the pace a little bit. I don't think Jay was any help at all. I had to keep reminding him to write the times down, and then he'd go back to watching tv. I think I'm still bitter about that. Then, the pains started getting bad enough that I was moaning. And crying sometimes. I decided to take a shower. I wanted to be clean when I got to the hospital. Weird, but true. I didn't have one contraction in the shower. I got out, and I started pacing. It was the best way to deal with how I was feeling. I was feeling terribly antsy. I stood up through a few of the contractions. They were ranging from 7 to 20 minutes apart, so it was really hard to judge. Then, all of a sudden, they came like shots. 7, 6, 5, 4 minutes. So, we jumped into high gear. Well, not really. It took me 45 minutes to get dressed. It was so odd. My limbs had turned to lead, so it was hard to lift them. I was terribly distracted. I'd stop halfway through putting my arm in a sleeve and sort of zone out. Jay ended up having to help me get dressed 'cause I couldn't stay focused.
We drove to the hospital. I told Jay that he couldn't drive fast. If he hit a bump I would hit him, so he didn't. I hated being confined to the car, but at the same time it was cool, 'cause everything was right there for me to brace myself against when a contraction hit. I could put my feet down on the floor board, brace myself on the dash and press my back into the seat. It helped quite a lot. The drive was only about 10 minutes, maybe 15. It was a very long ride for me. I think we had it in the back of heads that this wasn't really it, and they were only going to send us home. That would have been such a disappointment. Although I knew that Joseph wasn't due yet, I was so ready. I had been in such pain with my back, I was ready for it all to end.
We got to the hospital at about 11pm. We went in and checked in. The lady was rude. I couldn't find my Kaiser card right away, and she was going to give us a really hard time then. Hey, I'm only in labor. I found it finally. We went into a Labor and Delivery room. They immediately had me pinned to the bed hooked up to blood pressure cuffs, and putting a fetal monitor on me. I was upset by this because I wanted to walk around and stuff. I didn't have the where-with-all to say anything though. I was still zoning out at weird moments, and couldn't get my head together. Jay and I had gone through the classes, but he was completely out of his element that he just let them do whatever. The doctor came in. It was Jay's doctor! He had a reaction to caffeine a year before that had him the focus of a battery of tests, and she was his doctor through it! She had changed disciplines and now was going to deliver his baby. She was very excited about the whole thing. I was still having contractions, although they had slowed down, which had me holding onto Jay's arm (he learned quick not to give me his hand) and moaning. The only thing I can describe is really bad menstrual cramps. Mind-blowing bad. I already have bad ones due to my problems. I'm on prescriptions for those. I was used to pain like that. That was nothing. The doctor decided to test the fluid to see if it was really the waters. I told her it was. They STILL didn't believe me. They came back and let us know that it was, and that we'd be having the baby. DUH!!!!! Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me? So, Jay called his parents. By now it was about 1am. He also called my mom, but she didn't talk to me, as I was in the midst of contractions. I also decided, I was getting an epidural. I was about 6 centimeters dilated. Jay's parents came. I sort of remember that. Everything from here on out is a haze.
I remember getting the epidural. I remember that it took away the pain, but not the pressure. I remember Jay's parents leaving the room so they wouldn't have to see that. I wouldn't want to either. All of this moveing around and stuff was so difficult because of the sciatica. Due to labor, my legs swelled up so much that you couldn't see my kneecaps. I remember them telling us to get some sleep. I was just lying there for an hour, Jay was sleeping in the cot in the room, but I didn't sleep. I couldn't. Every contraction brought more pressure. All of a sudden I had to push. I mean HAD to. I yelled to get Jay's attention which took a couple of tries. He ran to get the doctor. I remember thinking that the nurse was a bitch. I was asking if I could push now, because so far in my visit to the hospital they had made sure I asked permission for everything. She wouldn't answer me. I asked again, and she paused and said, "I don't care. If you feel like it." I remember Jay telling me in my ear that I could take her. It made me laugh. That hurt.
I remember pushing because I would die if I didn't. It was such a primal urge I can't explain it. I remember the doctor saying I was 10 centimeters. I remember glimpses of activity. I had my eyes closed most of the time at this point. I remember being terribly cold. I remember endlessly pushing. I remember kicking an intern in the face accidentally because the kickplate fell off the bed. I remember a really nice nurse who was talking in my ear about how to push, instead of just yelling "push" at me. I also remember decking her. I was trying to find something to hold onto I think. I came to a point where I couldn't get past. I just couldn't. All of a sudden everyone, including my darling husband, started yelling at me to push. I got so incredibly pissed off that I pushed that baby out. No, the head didn't come out first slowly and then the rest. No, I pushed the whole baby out in one big whoosh straight at the doctor. You should have heard the primal scream that came out of my body. My in-laws heard that out in the lobby, but nothing else. I remember not realizing what I had done, just that the pressure was gone. Jay was sobbing and saying "Oh my God" over and over and over again. They put the baby on my stomach, and his eyes were wide open, and he was staring straight at Jay. He was breathing, but he wasn't crying. I asked Jay if he was really ours. He said he was. I asked if he was sure, and Jay started to laugh and kissed me. He assured me that this was our little boy. Joseph didn't cry for a long time (until they put a tube down his throat to make sure his lungs were clear). He looked absolutely fascinated by us. He just kept staring at our faces. I had torn, and they needed to stitch me up. I was so uncomfortable, and freezing cold, and possibly in the first stages of shock, so I had them take the baby. I jumped everytime someone touched me, so the doctor asked me if I wanted to have something to relax me before they did the stitches. I said yes.
I had some demerol, and everything is like a dream from now on. Getting stitched was awful. I mean really awful. I remember the doctor having me back up farther on the bed when they were done, and I was so wonderfully surprised. The baby wasn't in me anymore, which means he was no longer on the nerve in my back. I could move up farther on the bed without any help! Then I truly held the baby for the first time. I was so doped up, I didn't really care though. I could barely stay awake. Jay's parents came in. The rest of the hospital stay was a blur. There were a lot of really awful things that happened the rest of that week that I just don't want to re-live. My labor lasted exactly 12 hours.
I was left with a beautiful, healthy, baby boy. Joseph Gregory was born April 12, 2000 at 4:38am. He was 6 pounds, 1 oz., 18 inches long. He had a head full of strawberry blonde hair. He was perfect.
Some impressions I was left with... I would do it again. Maybe not for a long time, but I would do it again. I know I want more control. I want to move around. I want to walk, or rock, or lean. I don't want to be in a sterile hospital room. I want someone there as an advocate for me. So... Jay and I talked. Then next time, I want to give birth at a birthing center, not a hospital. If that is not possible, due to my condition, or due to finances, I want to hire a doula. The doula would only be there to help me and Jay through the birth, and potentially be a liason with the hospital. That way, the pressure to take care of me wouldn't be on Jay, he could just be there. That's definitely what I want. Joseph is such a strong, healthy, fun loving, smart baby boy.
We are so very, very blessed by God. He is truly my miracle child.
