May 10, 2003


I grew up in a small suburb of Southern California. I was raised by my great aunt, and uncle. I refer to them as "mom and dad". I won't go into the nitty gritty, but suffice it to say, my biological mother was not June Cleaver. Yes I'm in contact with her, but it doesn't go beyond the "Hi, how are you?" stage. Dysfunctional family, abuse, yadda, yadda, yadda. It all seems so far away from me now. I was into everything from dancing to singing to acting. I was good at it too - it just doesn't fit into my life anymore. I was a high school band geek. Went to college, got an AS degree. Got engaged to my high school sweetheart - and then unengaged (that's a whole other story), and my life went into a tailspin.

I always was a late bloomer. I didn't rebel until I was 21 years old. I always have felt, however, that if one is to do something - do it well. I did. I started raving (underground parties that aren't so "underground" anymore - but they were when I was involved). Then I got into the drugs. I can count the drugs I haven't done on one hand. And that's just 'cause I couldn't get a hold of them. My actual addiction was to speed (methamphetamines). I started actually throwing the parties, running clubs, and dealing drugs. I loved the life that I was in. I was happy with my life. Around September of 1997, I became a born-again Christian. It was a combination of the Bible finally making sense to me, and realizing that the hypocrites I saw at church were just flawed humans like me. Even though I had "found religion", I couldn't kick the drug habit. I was living in Los Angeles at the time, and a drug dealer came after me. It had to do with a debt (of course), and though it wasn't mine, I was the closest he was going to come to it. Luckilly, we knew a lot of the same people, and I found out before he could get to my place. I hightailed it out of the city before he could find me. I went up north and lived in the South Bay area of California. Because I made a clean break, and knew no one up there, I was actually able to kick the drug habit. I didn't have a job, but was able to live in my church's dormitory. I became clean and sober in October of 1997.

When I got up here, I was THROUGH with men. I had nothing but bad experiences such as rapes, abuse, and assaults, and it was obvious I didn't know how to pick them. I prayed that the "right" man would come along eventually - but I didn't have much faith in there even being a "right" guy, much less that I would run into him. There was one guy in my church though that I couldn't get out of my head. I would see him with his family. I once waited on him in the bookstore. That's it. I never spoke to him. In January of 1998, I started some Bible classes through my church. Through some weird circumstances, my classes were cancelled, and I ended up in that mysterious guy's classes. We both were caffeine addicts. We both worked, and took the classes at night, so we would show up with a lot of caffeine. So we started talking about caffeine. Then we started talking about our classes. We ended up (I wonder how - wink, wink) in a lot of the same discussion groups. But that's all we talked about. I sometimes saw him on Sundays but I was too shy to speak to him. Finally on SuperBowl Sunday, I went to the evening services and there he was. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't exactly there to praise God. I was there to see if he was. I got up the nerve and asked to sit down next to him. We stayed up until 4am talking. And the next night, and the next. The next night after that, he asked me to marry him. I said yes. We just knew. I just knew. All our friends thought we were crazy, and refused to remain friends with us. Our parents, surprisingly, were for it. So, we cancelled the big wedding, and eloped with our parents, my best friend, and his brother. I married my husband, Jay, on April 18th, 1998. About 4 months (or less) after we met. He's the best thing that could have happened to me. I love him dearly, and think he's the kindest, sweetest, sexiest man alive. And he loves me too, and makes it quite obvious to me and anyone else within hearing. That feels awfully good.

We got pregnant with our first child in 1999. We lost it to a miscarriage in April, 1999. We don't know what sex the baby was, but I feel in my heart it was a girl that I named Hope. We knew this was a possibility, since I have some birth defects in my reproductive system. It was a blow none the less. Then we became pregnant again 3 months later. Totally unexpected. We didn't know that it would happen THAT fast. This time, even though there were complications, we brought a healthy little boy into the world on April 12, 2000. Joseph has been a joy, and yet a terror. Motherhood has turned out to be the most rewarding, yet most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Ever. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. When Joseph was about a year old, Jay started making noises about wanting another baby. A huh. Our second son, Logan, was born on May 15, 2002. We're now a family of four! That's just a scary thought to me.

We now live in Southern California. We live next door to my parents. I work outside the home. It's a constant juggling act. Eventually, I want to stay home. Money sucks.

Personality-wise, I'm pretty much a homebody with a wicked streak. Eventually, I'll do one of those little survey things, with the things I like/dislike, to give you more of a view of who I am.

Updated 4/14/06:
In general focusing on diagnosing Joseph's behavioral issues, in-law issues due to the above, money (always, uggh), and my personal issues that have now cropped up due to my blood family situation.

0 comments so far

10:01 p.m.