January 11, 2006

what to do

Okay so the year hasn't gotten off to a great start.

I managed to really mess up something - still not sure what - and had to borrow money, again, from my mom in order to fix the checking account mistake. The problem is, I have no idea how it happened, which is scary to me. I do our bills weekly. It's just easier since Jay and I both are paid weekly. As a result, all receipts are entered in weekly, all account activity basically. So how the hell did I miss about $500 worth of expenses? In 2 weeks? I just don't get it.

And Joseph. One of these days I may manage to throttle him. We got a call on Monday from school. Please come and get your son, he was kicking and hitting the teacher. While they were on the phone I could hear him yelling in the background. I sent Jay this time. So it turns out Joseph stole a toy from another kid. Mrs. S knows his ways by now and searched him when he said he didn't have it. There it was. She took it away to give the child who's toy it was, and Joseph threw a fit. Hit and kicked Mrs. S. The principal came in. He hit and kicked the principal as well. He got suspended for a day.

In kindergarten my son now has a police record (the "I'll just go to the movies by myself" incident), and a school record (the "great kindergarten coup" plus suspension etc. - two incidences).

He's 5, people.

We're totally fed up. His klepto tendencies, his rages, his total disregard for anyone else's feelings whatsoever, his lack of forethought for consequences. There just isn't any. So - we're taking him to a psychologist. We're pretty much done. I, personally, don't think this is normal behavior. I mean the rages are just too much. There's a tantrum, and then there's a tantrum. He's always been violent in his tantrums - shoot, I still have a scar from the chunk out of my chest he took when he bit me in a tantrum. But he's big enough now that: 1. He shouldn't be having these kinds of tantrums in the first place - developmentally, they should have ended a year and a half ago. 2. He's too big for them. We're sincerely afraid that now, he'll hurt someone or himself badly. I mean, he almost broke the babysitter's nose, I have scars, he's bigger now. I can only imagine...

The other thing drifting in the back of my mind though, is the strong mental illness history on my side of the family. Many suicides. Depression. Misdiagnosed bipolar disorder.

We have to do Something. He already missed a week of school due to the chicken pox. Now a few more days. I'm sure he'll get a cold or something too, which is normal. I'm afraid his behavior is effecting his schoolwork, plus making him absent, making it even harder to keep up.

I'm totally fed up. I'm completely concerned. I don't know what to do with my boy. And on top of it all, he's got this new attitude and way of speaking and rolling his eyes, that you wonder how old he really is. I mean the disdain and disrespect he shows us is WAY out of line with his age. And I don't know where it's coming from. Jay and I aren't disrespectful to our parents, nor to each other, so he's not seeing that with us. I just don't understand it at all. I don't understand HIM at all. And he absolutely resolutely refuses to talk to me about any of it.

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9:06 a.m.