February 05, 2006
hate, blame, and stress
A lot has happened since I last updated... Let's see...Jay might have news on his job next week. With what has been said, we can't decide if their going to lay him off or promote him. Ambiguous is the best word I can use for the moment. I personally think they'll promote him - and then he'll be dancing with the big boys as far as work stress goes. But I'm hoping that his salary goes to match.
Joseph lost his first tooth. Yes, the tooth fairy made a trip to see him. He was unsure, since he lost the actual tooth while he was at school, but I assured him that a note from his parents was sufficient.
Now, for the heavy lifting... As I said in my previous entry, Joseph was seen by a psychologist who immediately diagnosed him as bipolar with ADD. We were leary of the diagnosis, after an hour of history with us, and never meeting Joseph himself. But, she wanted him on medication, which meant seeing a psychiatrist as well. For us, that also meant a second opinion.
We had a meeting at school with the school psychologist, counselor, principal, and teacher. Since they were also leary of that diagnosis, we were confident that we were right in wanting a second opinion. In addition, they were very supportive of us, what we were doing, and very proactive about running interference with Joseph before he blows his top. The principal mentioned they may want to keep him back in Kindergarten another year. I do believe that this would be the year to do it if we do it at all, but the teacher was adamant that it's not the time to think of it. She sincerely thinks that he will catch up. That was a relief. We'll meet again, after Joseph is tested, in order to come up with an "at school" gameplan.
So. We did indeed meet with a psychiatrist. He is much more conservative about a diagnosis, which I feel good about. There are many things that can lend itself to Joseph's behavior and rages. He most particularly wants to rule out a seizure disorder immediately. So, we've run blood tests, which aren't back yet, and I've a call in to the pediatrician to do a cat scan and EKG. After all the physical tests come in, then we'll move on to the psychological tests, and then hopefully on to a diagnosis. If he is bipolar, so be it, and we'll do what we need to do. But at least we'll know we ruled everything else out. The psychiatrist spent a half hour talking with Joseph, and another hour and a half with me alone. I liked him. And he DID say that his raging behavior is WAY out of proportion for all the other factors (age, other behavior, etc.).
We do have a wrinkle in all this stress. The in-laws are absolutely furious that we have not taken medication off the table. In addition, they've made it clear that all his problems are the result of my not being a stay-at-home mother, my mothering skills (or lack thereof), my lack of attention, etc. Oh, and if it is hereditary, of course, it's my family. There are a lot of other things said, along with yelling, vicious emails etc. I won't go into all the gory details except to say that my relationship with them is probably at an end, and Jay doesn't want to communicate with them at all except to update them on the kids. At this point, if they want to visit with the kids, perhaps Jay will fly with them to their city. I see no reason that I need to associate with them. And truly, if I did, for the sake of Jay (they ARE his parents) and the kids (they ARE their grandparents), I don't know how I would react with them in the same room knowing how they feel about me. I probably wouldn't "make waves" however, I would probably get physically ill from holding it all in. It just isn't a good situation. The bottom line is they chose to close their eyes to the situation, and when it came to a head, they acted surprised and lashed out with hate and blame. I mean, come on, they've never mentioned Logan's heart condition once. Jay will tell them updates, and they just "uh huh" and then never mention it again. I wonder... The cardiologist thinks his transplant will be in 5 years. Think they'll act the same way? Surprise and blame and hate? We've known, and let them know, about this since he was 2 days old. Something to think about.
After all of this, Jay's turned over a new leaf. He's all of a sudden leading this family. The usual MO was I would wait, wait, wait, and then take over at the last minute when something needed to be done, 'cause it still needed to be done. His leading is really working for us, and it's so nice to know he'll handle certain things - and that he'll actually do it. This is all new of course, but after almost 8 years, it's really nice. Needles to say, all of this has been really stressful.
