September 25, 2003
ouch
"This place is not my place,/ these ways are not my ways." - Dennis Lee (from "Blue Psalm")When I read this quote, all I can think of is that I'm not supposed to be working. I'm supposed to be at home raising my children. I'm supposed to be there for them. When Joseph has a bad day and doesn't want to stay at Alma's, and they have to take him from me screaming, "I want my mommy!" I realize how awful what I'm doing is. And yet, there's no way around it. I hate it. I despise and loathe it. It hurts.
But we need shelter, water and food.
I cling to the knowledge that this is but one link in the long term plan that Jay and I have decided on. It will not always be this way. I'm just getting him through school and the early days of his new career. And then I'll be able to stay at home, where I belong.
Then, perhaps the quote won't strike home.
