August 04, 2003
mishmash
Okay so it's been a while. Let's see if I can re-cap.Went to Disneyland with Jay's family, and Joseph. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. Jay's parents took Joseph and went off to ride wee-little rides, which left my husband and I to our own devices. Fine with us! We had never been to Disneyland together before. So we rode rides that Joseph is too young for. We all got sunburned, Joseph got terrified on the Pirates ride, the haunted house broke down while we were on it, and Space Mountin is closed for remodeling until 2005 - which is just wrong. But we took a very happy, very exhausted little 3 year old home with us that night.
A couple of days later, Logan and Joseph went away north with Jay's parents, and we didn't have to deal with them for a week and a half. They just came home yesterday. Logan learned how to walk while there. And I missed it. I'm not pleased about this. It's taking some time for them to adjust back to discipline-land after being in papa-land.
Then came the bachelorette party. Let's just leave it at that. I think it's been years (plural) that I've been that drunk.
The rehearsal, dinner, wedding all went off without a hitch. Or at least the bride doesn't know about the hitches, since I fixed them, and that's the way it should be. The happy couple are safely ensconsed on some island in Hawaii, hopefully getting sunburned, drunk, and having entirely too much sex.
Jay and I had a long talk a couple of nights ago. He's having some issues. Some violence issues. Not that he's getting violent with me. But it's random. He was in the Marines. He went into the Marines straight out of high school. After the Marines, he went straight into drugs. Now that he doesn't have either one of those, he's about to snap. He's been suppressing everything negative in his life, and not dealing with it. In other words, if he's having a problem with someone or something, he just buries it. Pretends it doesn't exist. It's creeping out of him now. He's going to snap. Literally. As in we decided he needs to find an outlet or a psychiatrist today. He and I were engaged in marital duties, and he blanked out. Literally froze in what he was doing. When he snapped to, I was certainly shaken, but he wouldn't talk about it. Later, I got him to tell me what happened. He had a flash back to beating up someone at boot-camp. He thinks the intense emotions of that day, and of what we were doing at the time were the link between the two, at least, he can't think of any other connection. And on Friday, I cleaned up his hand, after he cut it setting up the sodas at the dinner. Turns out he lied. He punched the ice. As hard as he could. For no reason. So, he thinks he's coming close to hurting someone. He surrently researching martial arts studios. That helped him when he first got out of the marines, and he thinks the combinations of meditation, physical exertion, and discipline will give him the outlet he needs. The only problem, we're finding, is finding a Christian practitioner. Jay doesn't want to be immersed in eastern religion or mysticism. That is also proving difficult, as we have only found them out of the state. But, I'm glad he talked to me about what he was feeling. And I'm glad he's ready to do something about it.
