May 15, 2003
Logan's growing up
My bubby's growing up! My little Logie is 1 today!!!I don't even know what to say. I'm about to cry, and have no idea how to express what I'm feeling. Happiness that he's still healthy and hasn't had to have his heart surgery. Relief that we've survived the last year. Sadness that that first magical year is over. Sorrow that this is the last 1st birthday, since we'll not be having any more children. It's just all a mish mash of feelings.
Sigh.
In unrelated news, I'm giong to the Strawberry Festival on Saturday with Amy and a couple of her friends. And both my kids. Alone. Without Jay. What the hell am I thinking. Other than thank God for double strollers. On the one hand, I'm glad we're going because I'm wanting to take the kids out on the weekends to have some family time. On the other hand, it's a real pain and a handful, and if Joseph gets into one of his moods, downright embarrasing. We'll see how it goes. I've got to remember to take the camera.
I had my werigh in last night. I'm up another pound. Okay that's it. I am not going to pay to gain weight, and dread weigh ins, and spend my time feeling guilty. So, since I'm not willing to live like that, it comes down to two choices. Quit or commit. I'm choosing commit. For two reasons. One, I feel it's wrong for me to quit on Amy, since we decided to do this together. And two, myself. I'm tired of not liking what I see in the mirror. It's all part of that bettering myself thing I'm into lately - at least the physical part anyway. So I'm recommited to doing the program if I'm going to do it all.
