August 29, 2002
8/29
I'm feeling an overlying attitude of frustration and annoyedness. Yes that's a word - I just made it up. I'm trying to pinpoint where it's coming from. Not only is it counterproductive, and makes me unhappy with the kids - who don't deserve that from their mommy, but it makes me not enjoy my life, and who needs that? There are enough REAL problems. I think it may have to do with lack of sleep - Logan was up a lot last night. And as usual, I had no help from Jay with that. He was off last night. But he had school this morning, and he has a root canal this afternoon, so I wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. Plus, we went to bed late, since Joelle was over here. She always stays late, and I hate to throw her out, since we don't see each other very often. I think another underlying factor is how long it takes me to do anything. For example, this journal entry was the first thing I wanted to do today, when I got up for the day at 6:30. It's now 9:30. 3 Hours!! And I have I done anything? No. I've just been trying to keep Logan happy, and all that good stuff. I think that adds to my frustration, because once I decide to do something, I'm very impatient about it. I've always been that way, but it's not something that is productive or convenient when you have children.I've gotten some of the house completely clean. I still have to do the living room, and our bedroom. But the kitchen, the kid's room, the hallway, and the bathroom are completely clean. Of course, by the time I finish, the rest of the house will need to be done all over again.
I think another frustration just sort of lying low in my head is the fact that I haven't lost any weight this week again. I've not gained, but I haven't lost. I hope it's not like with Joseph. I didn't start losing weight after him until he was 9 months old. I don't want to wait that long.
I want to write about some more stuff, but Joseph just came home from his grandparents, and so I need to go. Sigh.
