May 27, 2002

5/27

I made a potentially bad fiscal decision. But so far it looks like it will work out. I have decided to join Jenny Craig. I was on it 6 years ago, and it worked for me then. I am just so sick of being fat. Jenny Craig is the only weight-loss system I can find that has a program with the extra calories etc needed for breastfeeding mothers. And, I can do it from home, without having to figure out how to take two kids to their center. The money is coming from the grocery budget, but I think it's going to work. We'll see. I just can stand feeling so huge, and not having any energy. I know most of it is "new mother syndrome", but it's also the weight. What's funny to me, is that I so don't look like I weigh what I weigh. I didn't when I was pregnant either. Maybe it's my big bones. I hold more weight better than perhaps someone of a smaller stature. Anyway, I am due to receive my food etc. and talk to my consultant tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Tonight was the first night I put Joseph down to bed without Jay there. Of course, while I was giving Joseph's bottle to him, Logan started to cry 'cause he was hungry. After shedding a few tears myself (will ANYTHING be easier with two?), I had Joseph do his own bottle lying on the couch, with me breastfeeding his brother sitting next to him. That seemed to work well. Joseph was very cooperative. Which is unusual. I haven't had the opportunity to have him all day yet... My parents missed him an awful lot, and so he spent the day over at their house (next door). I went over to get him for his nap, but he was already asleep, so they had me leave. I figure, I should take the breaks when I get them, since my parents could drop a "we're leaving tomorrow for a month in Alaska" bomb on me at any time.

A footnote to the toddler bed story... Now that he's home, Joseph won't use it. I ask him each bed period (be it nap or bedtime) if he wants the bed, and he says no then points to the crib. Gee, ya think maybe I actually do know my son??

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1:09 p.m.