July 18, 2001
7/18
Well, Jay and I made a decision. We have decided that we're ready for another baby. Well, Jay decided a while ago, but I needed some more time to think. So, we're officially not not trying. In other words, no birth control. On the other hand, I don't want pressure. So, no doctors, no ovulation control. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, I won't worry for a couple of years probably. At first, I was completely NOT ready. But I think I might be able to handle it now.Before I agreed with Jay, I gave a lot of thought to it. When I got to the point where I thought I could handle it, I gave Jay a list of conditions, which he agreed to.
He must take at least a week off of work. He actually worked the night our son was born.
I want to go to a birthing center, not a hospital.
If, due to my unique internal problems, we can't, then I want to hire a doula to help me with the birth. Jay was more interested in seeing what was going on down there than helping with the pushing. A doula would just be helping me through the birth, and Jay can concentrate on watching his child born without worrying about me.
The last condition was that we not worry about it. No doctors etc. like I said before.
He agreed to all of my conditions, so, we'll see what happens.
There might be a spot opening up in produce. Jay let them know that he would be interested in moving into that slot. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, sleeping with my husband would be wonderful. He would be gone during the day. We wouldn't have to plan every little excursion to the last detail. We wouldn't need to make a choice between seeing friends or spending time together, knowing that the opportunity might not come for another month. On his days off, he wouldn't have to catch up on sleep. We could be like a normal family. He, for some reason, has always wanted to be in the produce department. On the other hand, he'll no longer be a manager. He really likes the responsibility. He's never been a manager before, and I've seen that it's good for his self esteem. He likes working nights, since he can't stand working with customers. He can cut loose, and listen to his music when he works. He doesn't have a dress code. I told him that I didn't want him to do this, just because I was honest and told him I didn't like him working nights. I told him that I knew that he likes working nights, and that I'd rather have him do something he liked to do for his job. But he told me about wanting to work in produce, and that it was him who wanted it. And he told me that I needed to stop worrying, since it might not even happen. Ah well. I'm honestly sure what it is that I would want him to do. But I need to not worry, just like he said. It might not even be a possibility.
