May 30, 2000
5/30
Well... Tomorrow is the end of the road for me. I go back to work on Thursday, so tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave. I'm sad about that. I have quite a few fears about going back to work. Most of them have been alleved by discussion with other moms on some mailing lists that I belong too. They're still there, but I am calmer about the whole thing. But I also want to go back. I like my job, I'm good at it. Plus I think it makes me a better mom when I get away from Joseph. I come back to him ready to be a mommy again. Of course this has only been on a random basis. I've no idea how I'll feel once it's an everyday thing.This was a difficult weekend for me. Let's say my mother-in-law and I butted heads a few times. All because of Joseph. I don't think she thinks I'm a good mother. She tries to take over. And then he got the rash. He got a diaper rash. Heaven forbid. Babies get rashes. Of course, she made it seem like I loll around here watching soaps and eating bon-bons, while poor baby Joseph sits in his crib wailing because I don't feed or change him. Please. The truth is, Joseph has the same skin that she and my husband have. Hyper-sensitive to EVERYTHING. I'm as anxious to get his rash taken care of as she is. However, she and my Father-in-law took Joseph last night to give us a break. She gave him a bath every time he pooped. Anyway, there were other comments made about my housekeeping, etc. It's so weird because she was never like this with me until the baby was born. Some of her comments were down right nasty. Anyway, it made my husband mad (he's witnessed some of this) and talked to her. She talked to me. Everything is right with the world again, although I did get my feelings hurt. It's hard to feel this way about her, because Jay's family is my only family up here. And with them so close, I really want to be friends with her. I like her. I think she just needs to relax about this kid. Maybe remember when she had two toddlers running around, and realize that dirt is not a killer, etc. It doesn't help that I'm rather sensitive, and I read between the lines - even if nothings there. So, my husband played peacemaker. I don't doubt that it was for his own sanity.
My parents are coming up here the second week in June. For once, I'm actually excited. As much as my mother drives me batty, she has actually been very supportive about this whole new mother thing. She doesn't try to tell me what to do, or question me or anything (like she does about every other aspect of my life). It's almost like she treats me like the adult I am now. Amazing. So, I'm excited because Joseph has grown so much since they've seen him.
Ho Hummm.
