May 14, 2000
5/14
Today, is Mother's Day. I felt very special to be a part of this holiday for the very first time. Jay gave me a card, that was simply beautiful with some poetry he wrote inside. He also gave me a dozen feather roses. "Feather roses??" Yes, feather roses. You see, Jay and I have this problem. You know how some people have green thumbs? Ours are black. Anything even remotely green we touch dies. I hate this, because I have these fantasies of tilling my own garden of wildflowers. We even killed the wildflowers - you know - those things that grow ON THEIR OWN! Anyway, he found these feather roses, and gave those to me instead. It sounds cheezy and tacky, but they are handmade and truly beautiful. Even The leaves are feathers. He was going to give me a locket, but he couldn't find one. He said he's been looking since the baby was born. So - when he finds one, that's my Mother's Day gift.I noticed something today... A mother's instinct isn't emotional. It's primal. My body has it even when I'm just not happy with the boy. His grandparents babysat him tonight. I'm not breastfeeding anymore, although it's only been a few days. Tonight when they brought him home, I had missed him so much (it had only been a few hours) that my milk let down. I find that amazing. I also can't believe how much I miss him when I'm not with him.
I really hope we get a routine down soon, 'cause I'm really having trouble with sleep deprivation.
